Title- Believe me, I know
Show, Ship- Doctor Who. Doctor/Rose Rory/Amy
Disclaimer- I would love to own it... and recon everything past JE.
Spoilers- A slight one for “Day of the Moon” but doesn't give away anything that you can't get from last season regarding Amy's behaviour.
Summary- How can the Doctor possibly know how Rory feels?
Rory stared blankly down at the little blinking light in his palm. He'd always thought that the term 'heart-broken' was a metaphor, but now he could feel the tiny shards of his heart stabbing at his chest until he couldn't breathe.
He felt rather than saw the Doctor hesitate before dropping his lanky body down next to him.
The Doctor drew a breath and suddenly all Rory wanted to do was hit him. He wanted to slap him, kick him, scream at him for daring to exist. For being wonderful and amazing and dropping down from the sky to sweep his girl off her feet.
“Don't,” he said before the Doctor could manage a word. “Just don't.”
“Rory,” the Doctor said in that soft way that made everything feel as if it would be all right. But it wouldn't. Not now.
“Don't.” Tears sprung in his eyes as bitterness crept into his voice. “You don't know what it's like. I was there for her. I waited for her for two thousand years. I waited for Amy Pond. And she waited for you.”
He trapped his trembling lower lip between his teeth. “No matter what I do for her, I can't be what she wants; The Doctor.”
“I know how you feel, Rory-”
“No,” Rory turned on him. “No, you don't know. How could you know. You're the almighty Doctor with his magic box and his screwdriver and his bow tie!” His eyes flared as his anger grew. “No girl has ever turned you down, hell, probably no man either. You have no idea what I feel, no idea what I'm going through. You... you've never not been enough. So don't pretend to know what I'm going through.”
As quickly as it had come his anger fled and he was left with a vague sense of guilt for yelling at the Doctor and a even bigger irritation at feeling that guilt.
That was his problem. He was too nice. Too damn nice.
That, and he wasn't a time travelling alien who could disarm a missile with a pen.
No wonder Amy...
He closed his eyes and tried to fight back the hurt and the pain and re-focus on helping Amy.
“I do. I have...” the Doctor trailed off and Rory opened one eye.
“I wasn't enough once, I didn't have what she needed, couldn't do what she...” he trailed off again, clenching his jaw and looking away.
Rory sat up quickly and rubbed his face with his sleeve. “You're trying to tell me that you-”
The Doctor flinched.
All of a sudden Rory could see the tension in his eyes, the pain that was hidden under the floppy haired bravado and jocular manner. The manic intergalactic adventurer was suddenly old, so very old and tired. His shoulders slumped and his long fingers lay still, for once, in his lap.
“No one knows,” he said quietly, “at least I haven't told anyone. There might be one person in this universe who would guess but I haven't told River or Amy.” The Doctor shifted suddenly and pierced Rory with his gaze.
“If I tell you,” he said, “this will be our secret. You're never to mention it to anyone... or to me again. Not Amy, especially not Amy and not River, understand?”
The sheer intensity in the Doctor's voice made Rory question everything he thought he knew about the man. He had heard the Doctor get mad, he had heard him frightened and in pain and panicking but this-this level of force was new and he wanted to know what it was that had the Doctor so wounded.
Rory nodded dazedly. “Sure. I promise.”
A half smile edged over the Doctor's features and he sat back. “Good.”
Rory waited for a moment for the Doctor to get his thoughts in order.
“Her name was Rose,” his mouth pursed at the name and every single syllable was infused with meaning. It was like a benediction and curse,a reverence for a power beyond what anyone could hope to capture, and Rory blinked.
“Rose Tyler.” He savoured the words like they had kept locked up for too long and he was relieving himself of a burden. He closed his eyes in rapture. “Rose Tyler; the most ordinary of ordinary girls. No one special. No one earth-shattering. A shop girl who lived on a council estate in London. A child really... well, not an actual child... except for that one Christmas, but we don't talk about that.” He cautioned. “She was eighteen when we first met, or when she first met me. When we actually met she was nineteen. Or eight, it's hard to tell when you time travel.”
“What was she like?”
“She was,” he grinned suddenly, his whole face lighting up, “fantastic, brilliant. Oh so brilliant. She swung into action and saved my life and again and again and again. She used to do this thing with her teeth and her tongue that just-” the delight faded as he saw the amazement in Rory's face. “Never mind.”
Rory pressed. “She was ordinary?”
“Oh no. Yes. But no. I said she was ordinary but not really, not where it mattered. She was Dame-d by Queen Victoria... and banished on the same day but we don't talk about that either. She helped Dickens and saved the world time and again. Saved the Universe. Saved me. She loved me. You and Amy, you waited. Amy waited for me, you waited for Amy but Rose?” he laughed, “She wouldn't wait, she wasn't a waiter.”
He paused, frowning as he tried to make sense of what he'd just said. “That didn't sound right, she wasn't a waiter she was a shop girl but you know what I meant.”
“Rose went looking. Usually for trouble but mostly for me. She got trapped on a parallel world once but she just forced her way thorough- nearly destroying time and space but points for effort. Rose; the girl who came back, who searched. The girl who crossed universes to find her Doctor. The things she'd do for me.” He shook his head in admiration and Rory frowned.
“She sounds great but you said you knew what I felt like, this isn't helping.”
“It is the same. Because what Rose wanted I couldn't give. I wanted to but-” he heaved a sigh “-well. Hindsight and all that. She wanted more than I had, she wanted me to live with her as a human; she wanted me to love her as a human, with a limited life-span and children and a picket fence and curtains and walls and doors and I just couldn't.” This time there were tears in the Doctor's voice. “I couldn't, don't you see? I'm the last. I'm the only one and I have to-” he bit off and slammed his head back against the wall.
“Then there was him.” He spat the words. “Him with his single heart and his eighty years and his rage and his blue suit. He could say it, he could be what she needed and I wasn't enough. I would have let her travel with me until she grew old and died but it wasn't enough. The whole of the universe and I-” he closed his eyes. “She's better off.”
Rory stared open-mouthed at the Doctor. He had never heard him that passionate and inarticulate about anything. He must have really loved this girl to let her go when it was obvious that it was the last thing that he wanted.
The Doctor sniffed suddenly and turned to Rory, seriousness written all over his face. “I'm telling you this, Rory, because there are some things worth getting your heat broken for. Amy Pond married you. You two are married and there's nothing more magical in the world. Mr. Pond we're going to find her and the two of you will have some wonderful adventures, adventures that I can't even imagine, together. Because she loves you and because she is worth it.”
Rory took a deep breath. “Yeah.”
“Good man,” The Doctor beamed and leaped to his feet, seriousness forgotten and the old mania colouring his voice. “So onwards and upwards. No, that's a terrible saying, especially if you're at the North Pole.”
Rory swallowed. “Rose. If you could... would you fall for her the same again?”
“No,” the Doctor shook his head, “I'd do it faster, so I could have her for longer. Even if I knew she was only on loan I'd keep every breath she made in my memory. I wouldn't waste a second.”
Rory steeled himself and gave the Doctor a shaky smile. “Then let's go get Amy.”