Show/ Ship- Doctor Who. Rose/Alt!Ten
Disclaimer- If I owned it things would have been very different
Summary- Rose has some things to say.
A/N- With thanx to Gabrielle by kick-ass-er and beta. Love you!
Somehow it feels like it should be raining. In the movies it’s always raining when things like this happen, but real life doesn’t exactly follow the plan. Real life sucks.
If this were a movie the rain would be pouring and the sky would be all but grey and I’d be wearing black.
I’m not- you always hated me in black, said it made me look like one of the giant ravens from Jupiter’s third moon.
I did some research and told you that Amalthea wasn’t able to sustain life and you got that far away look in your eyes and said “Not anymore.”
It’s strange that I miss that look, because it used to break my heart. It always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and that you wished you were back there instead of stuck here with me. The thing was that sometimes I felt that way too; that I was stuck here with you instead of being over there with him, and then I’d feel guilty.
Because I do love you. I do. Even now.
After everything, I know you and love you more than I ever knew him. I knew the way he liked his tea but I knew that you hated pickles and couldn’t get enough of jam because the texture reminded you of some fruit back from where you grew up.
I knew he had brown eyes but I could see the flecks of gold in yours and the way they’d change depending on your mood.
And god you were moody. When it was me and him and he used to get one on him, I’d vanish into my room or just ignore him until he came out of it, but you? PMS had nothing on you. Mum said you could sulk for England and that you were a baby and you said...
“What do you expect? I was only born two years ago.”
It shut her up didn’t it? Made me laugh too, until she pointed out that I was cradle robbing.
Then you were laughing and your eyes crinkled up...
Sorry, I know you hate it when I cry.
Can’t get used to past tense, not with you. Not when it was the past and the future and now and then all at the same time and timey-wimey and god I miss you.
I miss you.
It’s like there’s a piece of me missing and it’s worse than the last time because I actually had you. You were mine. You didn’t belong to the universe or the people of Earth, you were mine.
My love. My life. My Doctor.
And you loved me back; even when I stopped aging, even when you got grey hair and wrinkles and people thought I was your daughter and then your granddaughter; even then you loved me and joked about always wanting to be Hugh Hefner, even though he didn’t exist here and everyone thought you were mad.
They thought you were mad when you started work on that Dimension cannon too. Everyone told you to stop but you ignored them.
I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive and I’m sorry for the row we had; I thought you were trying to get back there and get back to being him. But I know now.
You saw it first. You saw that my cells weren’t aging and the time vortex had altered me and you knew; you knew that I’d watch Mickey and Mum and Pete and everyone around me die and you knew that one day you’d be gone too.
You knew I’d be alone.
One heart, one life to live and imagine spending the rest of that life with someone you love. You spent your life with me but I can’t spend the rest of mine with you.
Trust me it doesn’t hurt any less hearing it from this side.
So you made the cannon and now I’m supposed to go back and find him- again- and what? Fly around the universe for the rest of eternity with a man who gave me up?
A man that isn’t you.
He isn’t you.
Sorry, god, sorry. I haven’t cried since mum’s funeral. l I know it upsets you. You need to come back and tell me to pack it in, do some spiel about human tear ducts and inferiority and then poke yourself in the eye to prove it.
Please, please, don’t leave me alone. You promised when we got married that it would be forever. Remember?
He said “Do you” and you said “I suppose, if this is my first chance to say it: Rose Tyler I’ll be with you forever.”
God I wanted to slap you then. To say that at the moment but then you smiled and I didn’t care. I didn’t care that it took you two years to ask me to marry you or that you slept with your socks on or you decided to become a teacher instead of working for Torchwood.
I didn’t care because you meant it.
But it went too quickly. It was too short- 71 years of marriage and it felt like a blink. I wanted forever but now I know that even forever wouldn’t have been long enough.
I can’t be alone forever and so I’ll go and I’ll find him and I’ll probably slap him and I know I’ll fall in love with him because he’s you and you were him and I won’t forget.
And one day I’ll forgive you for leaving me. But not just yet.
I’m going to go and I’m going to save the universe and run and use the wrong verbs and kiss strangers and be fantastic.
I just wish it was raining.
Dr. John Smith 1971- 2083
Beloved Husband of Rose Tyler
Forever travelling the stars